Inside and Out
by mythologyrox
Summary: The six times an Avenger knew they were unmade...and the one time they discussed it as a team. Warning: Slight swearing No slash


**Five times an Avenger knew that each of them were unmade, flipped inside out to become who they are now…**

**And one time they talked it as a team.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers  
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**AN: Hey I know I didn't update in awhile for the Secrets that I Kept, so with the help from Oceanbreeze7, I wrote a one shot for the new year. Hope you enjoy it, I thought that it turned out really good:D  
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* * *

**Clinton Barton:**

"_You don't understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Take you out, and stuff something else in? You know what it's like to be unmade?"_

"_You know I do."_

He knew deep inside that he wasn't the same from the little boy he used to be a long time ago.

He wasn't the little boy who hung in the rafters of circuses, or watched the elephants march all in row. He was changed- he _was_ _tainted_.

But the only time he had admitted it was just once.

One time did he admit it when he had finally felt mangled and violated enough to actually say it, and that was when he had been cured from the mind control of Loki.

Clint couldn't believe that he had been easily manipulated so easily pick at, and pointed to his nearest target, friend or foe, and when he had started believing it he just wanted to kill the one who did it to him.

At the end he didn't.

That took more strength then rebelling against himself ever did.

Luckily for him he got a grip, and stopped himself from going rogue assassin, again.

He had let Thor take his brother for the punishment Loki had waiting for him, and it became nothing to him as he saw the prisoner getting taken to another world.

That was justice enough for him.

He didn't really know that much about Asgard, but he was sure as hell that Loki won't get out unscathed.

* * *

**Natasha Romanova:**

"_I've got red on my ledger I'd like to wipe it out."_

The red room was her nightmare.

A nightmare of screaming and sobbing with little girls crying for their mothers and fathers. People who would never come.

She never thought that she would escape it, and she never thought that she could ever become a government agent.

If anyone tried to tell her that she would be one in the future the first thing Natasha would do is shot that person with her gun.

It was a crazy idea- no… improbable_, impossible_.

But somehow it came true. People all across the world thought she was a hero. After all, women were more trusted, and unlike everyone else on the team, she was just a normal human with a difficult past.

Clint and Tony are too, but they were different. Both were born with innate abilities, they weren't achieved by going through sweat and blood to become masters.

It was just natural for them.

However, she was a different story.

Before getting captured she was just a scared little girl.

She only realized now, that the scared little girl was unmade more times than she can count.

* * *

**Anthony Edward Stark:**

"_Don't waste your life, Stark."_

He realized it what Yinsen really meant as soon as he escaped from the hellhole known as Afghanistan. Tony still had a hard time contemplating all of it, but he knew one thing…

Anthony Edward Stark will never be the same as he was before.

He would never be the same idiotic playboy who threw all of his cards on the table.

He wouldn't have the same carefree laugh or the cocky smirk on his face the feeling of complete control of any situation life could throw at him.

_He couldn't be that again._

Pepper tried to talk to him. She didn't know, she didn't know anything about the crap he went through.

It wasn't right for him to just shove his problems on her- he just pushed her away.

He couldn't talk he couldn't just talk about what happened as if it was what pizza toppings he wanted, or the weather in Moscow.

Tony knew he should, but after everything that's happened it seemed impossible to open up.

Not after he was stripped inside out.

_Torn apart and ripped to tiny pieces._

As soon as he escaped that damned cave, he had already killed dozens of men. He didn't care, and he didn't notice.

It was his escape, and a few dozen corpse's weren't going to stop him.

Then at the time, Tony thought it was justice. After all, _they_ were the ones who had the stupid idea to lock him up like a freaking Tweedie bird, and pulled his feathers out just to hurt him.

Obie's...no _Obadiah's_ betrayal… did the worst on him maybe even more than few dozen men sprawled out in the sand, and scarred by hungry flames and guns back at the desert.

His father figure had tried to kill him, not once, but twice.

Tony just… exploded.

The only thought on his mind was revenge, and hate clouded his mind as he recklessly battled the only family he had left.

"_You got a family?"_

"…_No"_

"_So you're a man who has everything… and yet nothing."_

That day he was merciless, that day was the last time the world had ever seen the Merchant of Death.

The Merchant of Death shriveled up, and died the moment he told Pepper to override the prototype Arc Reactor.

Replacing him, and those blazing guns and fire was the same billionaire, genius, philanthropist he just added a little twist to it… he was all that… and the superhero, Iron man.

* * *

**Steven Rogers:**

"_I could do this all day."_

He didn't think so anymore.

When he was younger… he could have thought so.

He could have stood up, been knocked down, and stood back up still determined. Not anymore, not since the war.

War had forced him to become a soldier.

He wanted to be one all his life, but when he was finally able to, the only thing he wanted was to go back to that innocent little boy that would do anything to fend off his bullies.

Death after death, bomb after bomb each time he felt his heart shatter a little bit more than it was before.

And then after his ultimate sacrifice seventy years later he woke up to find another world.

It was the same one that he grew up on, but all the same it was nothing like it used to be.

Huge buildings surrounded most of the grounds in the city. Most of the parks had been turned into smelly warehouses, and the cars looked more dangerous than ever.

People were everywhere.

This new century had no familiarity from the world he lived at seven decades ago.

None of his comrades were alive anymore. His friends had all passed away, and their grandchildren or children were so similar it hurt.

The love of his life passed away not only a couple days ago, and he didn't have a chance to even see her face.

At that Captain Rogers, like the rest of his team, discovered no doubts that he was unmade.

* * *

**Thor Odinson:**

"_For the first time in my life… I have no idea what to do."_

He had experienced those countless times since he came to Midgard. Most of them regarding his adopted sibling, Loki.

The demigod missed his brother.

It was odd to say, because he had encountered his brother nearly every month.

But this Loki… was not his, his Loki used to ride the noble steeds of Asgard with him and race across the plains of the Uplands. His brother used to trick small Fae into falling into the River Deryth, and as time went on his memories of Loki faded until this…not- brother took its place.

Thor was once arrogant and selfish, and he ignored his brother as time went on.

Then, through the abyss Loki had fallen risen this new being and took his place banishing all the warmth Thor had felt in his previous youthful memories with him.

His last memory of his brother was of him being held in a prison cell to rot, and suffer for his actions.

Thor couldn't help, but feel overwhelmed by his negative emotions, guilt, regret, sorrow, and more that the Midgardian language could not translate.

He even felt angry at his father, and the last time that had happened…

The son of Odin couldn't even remember the last time.

When his father had banished him to Earth it wasn't anger that he felt, maybe some hate, but never anger.

He wouldn't dare to be mad at the Allfather.

But this time…

Not only did the king ignore his pleas of help, he had also ignored the fact that his son was starting to breakdown, for the first time in his long life.

When Loki became broken like a shattered mirror, Thor became just as cracked.

* * *

**Bruce Banner:**

"_Leave me alone."_

Back then he felt like there were no truer words ever said from out of his mouth than that.

He changed his mind.

The scientist guessed it had started when his mother had died from cancer.

His father had already started to abuse him, but he always had hope because of his beloved mother.

She was what held him down when he just felt like to let go. The lady refused to have her only son fall down like she had.

The next time he had realized of his transformation was when he literally transformed into having an alter ego of a monster.

Bruce figured there was a monster in him ready to lash out whenever, but the Hulk just made it more real than ever.

He had lost everything because of the other guy. It was only when he met the Avengers that he saw the gain from it as well.

But no matter how many times Tony had teased him by poking his with a stick or made a joke on the other guy, he was still as broken as ever.

He would always be broken.

But for once in his life, he felt as if he wouldn't be alone on it ever again.

* * *

**Avengers:**

_Hero: Someone who does something without thinking of themselves, without thinking of rewards. Someone who is willing to put themselves at risk for the sake of someone else._

It wasn't in the dictionary definition, but it was theirs…all of theirs.

"_I still believe in heroes."_

"It's ridiculous isn't it," Clint brought up.

Glances of confusion spread across the room no one knew what he was talking about.

"What the hell are you talking about, Katniss," exasperation clearly heard from Tony's voice.

Everybody in the room mentally asking the same question as they stopped what they were doing to stare at the archer.

"They all think that we're heroes, but I mean… Natasha and me, we're assassins. Thor is a demigod from another world who by the way got banished here because of his desire of killing and battle. Steve… Okay yeah he's probably the most innocent out of all of us, but at the same time he nearly begged to go into war knowing full well there would be casualties. Bruce made a very destructive alter ego just because he wanted to change the world. And you… for god's sake you used to be called the Merchant of Death. You made weapons of mass destruction. What I'm saying is… Every one of us used to be known as a monster, or war crazy, and now they think we're heroes. What changed?"

Clint ranted, breathing heavily as he finished it.

Tension built up in the room. His speech still rang in their ears.

"I don't know about you guys, but that was pretty deep, Legolas," Tony laughed weakly.

He glared at the genius, and the weak chuckle deceased.

"Everything," Steve spoke up from the silence.

"Everything changed," he paused.

"Even Stark saw the horrors of what war can bring us. Each one of us had something traumatic happen to us that brought out the best and worst of what we kept inside. And at that moment…"

"All of us became heroes, and then we met one another, and made a team."

They stayed quiet for what seemed like forever. He could swear that if a feather dropped right then, they would hear it land on the ground.

"To the Avengers...," Anthony announced bringing up his crystal cup.

No one moved, but after a short pause, Steve reached out to his glass of water, and brought it up just like Tony did.

Their teammates followed.

"To the Avenger."

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**AN: Please review, and I hoped you enjoyed it. If anyone has challenges I'll accept, but I'll take awhile writing it. Happy holidays**


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